I have decided to write this in an effort to help others that might be going through similar things. I know some of you are.
In my way of seeing one's state of being consists of several things from the past and present that affect our way of thinking. We all share the commonality of human-ness and we are all subjected to bad and good things in life. Our past experiences shape who we are today. I'll get more to the point I am trying to figure out hear. As I have gotten older, I am understanding more about what it means "to be present" and how important that is. I am VERY OFTEN off somewhere else in my head... thinking about that nasty dream I had the night before or remembering something that was very unpleasant mostly things I experienced while in Somalia and Bosnia. I came back from all that thinking I was fine and dandy up until about four years ago.
The dreams and the anxiousness started. I had no idea what it was but it was affecting many things in my life like mood, behavior, and my overall "state of being". It is called PTSD and I have recently been diagnosed with it. Initially I dismissed the dreams and thoughts as very minor compared to what the veterans of WWII, Korea,Vietnam, Iraqi Freedom, are dealing with.
Why I dismissed it, I think, is because I saw it as a weakness of character because it could be so much worse and so I stuffed it and tried to ignore it. That only works when you have to do it at the time because if you don't do it then you'll lose focus on your mission and the many things that happen that can and do threaten to kill you if you aren't paying attention. Well that has it's consequences and those of us who are feeling similarly ought not to think of it as a weakness because it isn't. It is your state of being that has been shaped by your past experiences.
The best thing for me has been getting out in front of it and talking about it with whom ever. I no longer care if someone looks down at me because they perceive that I am going through a "poor me" phase. That is ignorance on their part and strength of character on my part by standing "OUT FRONT" and confronting these emotions.
This has affected my wife to a large degree and GOD BLESS HER for staying by me because if I was her I would have left me a while ago. I've been an ass but she understands that it isn't by choice that I behave like this because we talk about it. Although I don't share everything with her and I don't know if I ever will she still works to understand my state of being and believe me it does take a lot of work on her part and I am very thankful that she does it.
OK enough or now because there are volumes of discussions on this subject, this is just my way of staying in front and dealing with it. I hope this is a well thought out Mental Meandering and that it helps even just one person.
So take care of yourselves and think about the notion of the state of being as well as being present. And post some thoughts on the subject if ya like.
Fair winds and following seas